Cocoon

I was just getting ready to go to bed but I didn’t want to forget what I had been thinking about all day.  You say, if you’ve been thinking about it all day how could you forget tomorrow….?  Welcome to my world.  A little 7 hour nap and….poof, all gone.  Sleep does that.  It erases unnecessary information to make room for important things.  However, I wish it would get rid of bad memories, stupid decisions, or anxious, angry, sad, feelings.  Since the loss of my 10 year old Rottie this weekend I have been pondering one of my favorite sayings “a reason, a season, or a lifetime”.  I try to neatly package every situation, commitment, job, illness, ailment, friend, or not friend into one of those categories.  I was trying to think of her purpose in my life.  This dog came at a time when in our marriage after losing 2 babies, trying other things, then health problems making it obvious we were not going to have our own children, that was her purpose.  I potty trained her, took her to play with friends, raised her, nursed her through injuries, and sickness and she in turn protected me, followed me, literally licked my tears when I cried, and of course made me smile.  Not to mention she was sweet, well behaved (except when she got old and grumpy near the end), and predictable.  She was always there.  Laying in the middle of the floor, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the office, and in the hallway.  But she was for a season.  No, she was for a reason.  She was for me, to help me.  She taught me a lot.  Just typing this is making me sad but that is not my point.  My point is, I have had many “for a reason” relationships with people, I have had many “for a season” jobs, and I still have some “for a lifetime” friends.  I found myself talking to our other dog (who is without a doubt my husband’s dog) who seems to like me.  I asked her what her purpose was and I was reminded of our dog trainer who pointed out that I was my dog’s problem.  I am convinced that our independent, squirrely, always wants to play, miss bossy pants, German shepherd’s purpose is to be my reflection.  Her purpose (I hope for a season) is to help me see the “problems” I am having like trying to control things, or not staying focused, or maybe I should ask for help more often kind of problems.  I have to be careful not to miss the point.  Even if something is only for a reason or a season, don’t dismiss it too soon and miss the point.  Maybe there is something to be learned.  Maybe there is something to see, share, give or get.  I know it’s hard to believe from the girl who always says, “Let it go” is now actually saying, “hang in there.”  But imagine if the caterpillar decided on its own that is was tired of being in the cocoon before his wings were completely developed.  Imagine if he thought to himself, “its dark in here, I’m bored, I don’t like this, it hurts” and busted out because he thought it was only for a season and it had been long enough. PLOP!  Right to the ground he would go.  No wings.  No strength.  No knowledge.  No lesson learned.  No wisdom gained.  No understanding.  No butterfly.  It was a season but it was meant to be a certain number of days for a reason.  Don’t miss the point.  Hang in there.  You could be in for the lesson of a lifetime.